I sit here and wonder if my bout of depression is rearing it's ugly head again. It's been some time and I find it harder and harder to smile or have any reasons to smile anymore. I've been lucky, it's nothing bad, only two people noticed it so far. When Mines kept asking me if everything was okay and why I seems so upset, I didn't think there was anything wrong with myself but when Elyn said it, I guess it just sorta hit me that it's been a while since I'm really happy.
There are time when I have mood swings. One minute, I'm really happy, the next, anxious and crying. Worst, I'm not very sure why I'm acting this way. Everything looks fine and sunny from the outside so why is there thunderclouds in my room?
It seems like all I want to do lately is sleep and be left alone. My pillows and my bed is everything I need.yet a part of me wants to drag myself out of bed, go out with friends and pretend there is nothing wrong.
I do know that I'm not being depressive for no reason, I do have reasons and I AM worried but still *slaps self* Positive, must think positive!
I must think of happy things, yes yes. Happy things will bring good things. I have a EDM mineral foundation coming in on Tuesday, my wig that I've ordered a gazillion years ago might be coming before Halloween, I've somewhat found my Halloween costume (unfortunately the person I wanna whip *hint* ain't coming, BOOOO) and I've also somewhat found out what handphone I might get to replace my old cranky phone.
What else is there to do when I need to keep my mind occupied and not think too much, easy, clean my freaking room. It's interesting to see what kind of rubbish I ended up digging from my room. For one, I manage to dig up my mom's Simple French ...book. Why on earth would we have this? For one, mom wanted to brush up on her long forgotten French. She stayed in Paris and London (alternating between the two) when she was 18 years old to "study" and I knew she had a French boyfriend there. How pathetic is my life? I'm 25 years old and the furthest I've been is Netherlands and I've never seen snow in my entire life!
Other things I managed to dig up was a gift from a 'so called admirer'. Back then, whenever I'm free I would draw, for my birthday, the guy actually took one of my half finishes drawings and coloured, added the background and framed it for me. Sweet he is, along with annoying *sigh*
Still, he's one of the funniest person around. Seriously. Why? I'll tell you why. Here's the scenario:
Me: You're pissing me off...
The Guy checks online dictionary then proceeds to hurriedly message Elisa
The guy: Why did Ashley says she wants to urinate on me?
Elisa: ... *speechless*
Me: Don't get cocky with me
The guy: I like chocolate cocky <--(Mistaken cocky for Pocky, the japanese chocolate covered biscuits)
Me: ...*eyes goes wide before finally figures out what he actually meant*
But anyway, the picture certainly wasn't my best drawing since it was originally just a doodle. There was some parts I wish I noticed earlier and corrected but still, it was all done without my knowledge and I had no time to correct these errors. I appreciated his effort and all but in the end, something are just never meant to be.
Other things I managed to dug up are bars of soaps (Yes, I have a 'thing' for soaps, candles, Yes, I have a 'thing' for candles too) and endless comic books, old school report cards and test papers that is not fit for any eyes least you get blinded by the 'colours')
As for my make up, while everyone is having fun making bronzey EOTDs and all, I'm still stuck in my lazy EOTD. It's still the same old, same old. Day in, day out, this is all I do. Fast, quick and very, very lazy.
Mom headed to Gurney P. today an came home and asked if anyone wanted a hair dryer. We previously had one and it was getting a little troublesome everytime me or Pinky Doodle Doo wants to use it. Since I shouted the fastest and loudest, I got it. I loudly shouted that it had better be PINK! and lo and behold, my mom grinned and handed my my very own PINK hair dryer. LOL.
Later, me and Pinky headed to Gurney P. to do our own shopping. I bought what I wanted which was the Hoyu Beauteen hair dye. I bought the one in Milk Tea Beige cause it sounded so delicious. I kept having to remind myself it's not drinkable and it's not some tea mix.
Before that, I searched the internet to get a rough idea on how the colour was, I "smartly" typed Preteen instead of Beauteen and ended up getting some erm, funky websites if you know what I mean. I'm so freaking smart.
So how am I feeling? Much much better.