Saturday, October 25, 2008
Everyone has addictions, some are addicted to nicotine, some to drugs, some to coffee, mine's to cosmetics. It all started some time back, in Good Friday, April 2007.
I'm not sure just how to type all this down but I'll try my best. It was that day that my house was broken into while I was in KL and my parents out to have dinner. They went through my room and took everything valuable they could find. My entire 24 years of jeweleries collection that my mother have ever given me (I get pieces of jewelries every birthday and special occasions) and basically to cut it short a lot of jeweleries and money that I have faithfully collected for my 'dream' house fund. It's silly to keep that much cash and jeweleries at home but back then, I don't own a safe deposit box of my own and never thought of asking my mom to keep them in hers.
After the incident, I fell into depression and thought of all the money that I lost and hated the thoughts of the evil scums that I'm still cursing till this day, happily spending the money that I have collected so hard all this time. I do have bank accounts but in my naive little head, I've always liked to keep 'cash on hand' because I was too bloody lazy to head to an ATM and withdraw.
It drawn to me that despite saving so hard, I never got to spend a penny of it. After that, my 'dream' house fund went on hold and to cheer myself up, I bought things that I liked. It all started from there and everything went down hill from there. Nowadays when ever I feel upset or unhappy or even stressed, I like to browse online for cosmetics or go shopping for something. It may just be a lip gloss or something but the urge to get something is very strong. This habit went unnoticed till of late when I turn back and see all the stuffs I've accumulated since last year and how empty my bank account has become. How did they get that much (cosmetic) and how did it get so little (money in bank account)? Worst, I can't stop and I'm still buying them. Part reason why I'm writing down something like this is so that I can finally translate my thoughts into words and read them and wake myself up. I know that sounds silly and most of your would have probably went 'Huh?' but I need someone to wake me up from this cosmetic addiction hell.
Why I would like to wake up from this is also because my bank account has gone on diet. An extreme diet. When I was younger I would tell myself that my piggy banks were pets and I needed to keep 'feeding' them or they'll stareveeeeeee... Right now, I can't even remember when was the last time I 'feed' them. They must have died and gone to where all piggy banks goes when they die.
I've been working for about four months now and I can sincerely tell you that by every end of the month I would have practically emptied my account. How sad is that? I have no commitments other than my hand phone bill and car petrol and yet I'm suffering this bad. I've cut buying books down to minimal along with my sweets/candy addiction, only to have everything go to cosmetics.
The only excuse I can come up with is that I buy them to cheer myself up every time some thing upsets me. In the end, I really need something that does not cost so much to cheer me up next time. Wish Ian would be more supportive of my problem especially when he's one of the causes of it...
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