A friend in need, is a pest indeed...

Excuse the silly title...

Have you ever lost a friend before? I think we all have at some point in our life, whether it's due to just growing apart, or moving to different places, a switch of groups of friends or a simple misunderstanding.

Recently, I felt as if I lost one. And worst I'm know why yet I don't know why and it hurts nevertheless. It's one of the friend from the ClubHouse. They nicknamed the house that because any of us could always waltz in and make ourselves right at home along with the snakes, iguanas, piranhas, cats and whatever that's in the house. It was a place anyone could hang out in when they are bored. It's a pretty fun place to be and despite it all, I loved the friends I made there. Each and everyone of them is different yet everyone stays together and like all friends 'click' for some reason. Everyone has their share of misunderstandings and all but in the end, everything always get resolved and friendships becomes stronger.

But this time, I'm not so sure. This post is not directed at anyone and to be truthful, I would rather that the involved party doesn't even know about this. It's started out by a slight naggy that I've somewhat lost a friend feeling but now it has perhaps come as a full blown hurt.

It'm not sure why it's always me that ends up losing friends because of someone else. I'm not sure how to put this in better words but this is just how it feels. I'm always caught in between two people that I would rather stay friends or people whom I love. It's pissing me off. I'm not sure who, maybe at myself or at both parties.

There are always some "friends" who are worth losing and there's some that you want to keep close to heart always and when the ones that you want to keep starts pulling away or doing the David Copperfield's disappearing act, that's when the hurt comes in. Especially when sometimes I don't really know what's happening and you know that you weren't in the wrong. It frustrates me no end that I ended up being in the middle, except that in this scenario, I never had to choose one end or the other cause one side of the party, pulled away instead. Shall I take this as a time for me to do my disappearing act too? In the end of the day, I sit down and wonder, if the other person let me go that easily, perhaps he/she thinks that I'm no longer worth their time.

Perhaps that's it. The tears wants to fall, but what's the use of it? I just end up being a crybaby.